Diary of a Doc: Dr. JJ -- 1109 Days & Counting

Oh boy, the summer is really flying by! It seems like just yesterday I heard "Mom, I am so glad to be home, and can't wait to be here for 3 months!" Now the drums are thumping in the direction of Ann Arbor as Max is "home"sick for school and can't wait to get back! In the meantime, he is truly enjoying his job (and believe me, a job is hard to come by for these kids returning from college), and this week his comrades from the UC schools returned to a bit of fanfare from their buddies.
Our refrigerator staples are lasting a bit longer, as Max is eating out a bit more, and while home, is trying sincerely to eat well and get a little exercise. His dad and I wish his socks and dirty laundry would exercise their way into the basket located directly in the line of fire of his bed! But aside from the expected messes, late nights, and groggy mornings, we both are enjoying the unfolding stories that continue to come our way, and the (mostly) pleasant banter we have reestablished day to day. Some of you have had "Max sightings" as he borrows my car every Tuesday, accompanies me to the hospital to make rounds in the morning, and then picks me up in the afternoon.
He caught me off guard this week, when I was having a "moment" of feeling overwhelmed, hugged me tight, and told me he really didn't get how hard I worked until he stared at the wall in my office with diplomas & certificates, etc. He sincerely told me how proud of me he was....and of course, in moments like those, there is total absolution for all dirty socks and stinky laundry, late nights, overdue bank accounts and half-eaten food in the fridge. It's so interesting that as Bruce and I made this adjustment to an empty nest, the definition of who we were morphed. Although I will always be "Max's mom" whether he is far or near, it's only when he is here, in the flesh, that I feel I can be the 3-D mom.
Ahh, it's good to be mom...

Diary of a Doc: Dr. JJ -- 1149 Days and Counting

So my son, Max, is home from college in all is glory -- 3 stuffed duffle bags (gotta give him credit...at least he did his laundry before coming home. His clothes were wrinkled, but CLEAN!), 1 backpack, 1 computer case...aching for a haircut and an In N' Out burger. It took almost a whole school year for Bruce and I to get into some sort of established rhythm and routine with the nest being mostly empty, and Max's return has thrown a wrench (quite happily I might add) into daily life. He has taken up temporary squatting rights on the sofa, as his bed is still sandwiched between our office desks and the wall (I am none too happy that my home office is still not ready), a bookcase is serving as his closet in the dining room, and the refrigerator is suddenly much emptier as Max returns to home cooking. I learned yesterday while shopping in the market with him that A1 Steak Sauce is his savior at school -- drowning out all unsavory tastes and rescuing the hopelessly boring food served in the dining hall (at University of Michigan)...ugh! We'll have none of that this summer. Already the energy in the house is different, as a smattering of his local friends are starting to stop by (eyeing him jealously as their school terms aren't over for another month) to eat, visit and reconnect. I give Max credit in that the first day after arrival , after getting a decent haircut , he was on the move looking for a summer job (or two). He wants to get his feet wet in law or entertainment, and also wants to make a little $$, whether babysitting, working in the mall, tutoring or whatever...
He is pretty motivated without a kickstart from us! Some things haven't changed, however -- the smell of the young man pervades the household (those feet! Ugh!), the tabletops now littered with the detritus of a good snack, and the reality that mom gets a few extra bear hugs a day. I am in heaven (when I'm not cooking!).

Diary of a Doc: Dr JJ -- 1186 Days and Counting

First of all, I want to thank you all for your good wishes for DOD. He’s hanging in at home and gathering a little strength, day by day. As for the boy, he trekked to Chicago last weekend, riding shotgun with a librarian from Flint, for a national backgammon tournament. Backgammon shares a space in his heart with poker, but somehow the former seems more legitimate in mom’s mind (no seedy, smoky, sunglass-clad, shifty-eyed visuals in my brain). Having never set foot on the streets of “ChiTown” (except for his layovers in the airport), Max now understands why everyone LOVES Chicago (except in the deep of Winter). Here he was, kid from the BIG City, calling mom in absolute wonder at the gorgeous architecture, river through the City, admiring the vibrancy and beauty of this incredible jewel in the middle of the US! The tournament was held out in the ‘burbs, and Max quickly was humbled (and his scratched together entry fees and buy ins quickly gone) by the finesse and skill held by those many years senior to him. He didn’t mind being excluded early – as that gave him time to meet his heroes of this “sport,” garner some knowledge, and most importantly, stand back and realize that winning at this level requires years and years of practice, dedication, and, as he realized, many losses on the way to victory. His mind set zoomed from the fantasy of winning (as a young neophyte) to the reality of realizing that true dedication, humbling losses and resilient persistence are the qualities of someone who succeeds. I hope that he will apply this experience, and these lessons to his life on campus, and his life on this planet. I already started to see a hint of it when he was not hired as a campus tour guide (a plum paid position), and set about to try again in the fall (with no anger, angst, or assigning blame)……now let’s hope he finds a job this summer as he returns home April 29 for 3 months!

Diary of a Doc: Dr. JJ -- 1212 Days and Counting

Well, where have the last several weeks gone?? Real life has stepped in the way of late -- as plans for a week away took a hairpin turn back to Los Angeles! My father-in-law was admitted to the ICU at Cedars, and by last Sunday, we seriously thought we were going to lose him. That said, for Max it was an automatic decision to return home instead of trying to feign enjoyment in NYC while grandpa (or DOD, Dear Old Dad, as we call him) was fighting for every breath. So Max (and his friend Lorin) returned home Tuesday, immediately sailing into DOD's room, and actually finding him a bit improved (as he had made no progress for 9 days prior). As the other grandkids gathered 'round as well, I think DOD decided he couldn't throw in the towel, and started to fight all week -- inspired by the young who sat at his side daily. I think Max (and Bruce and I) heard more funny (and secret) stories from Grandpa this week than we had heard in the last 20 years. It was as if he had unlocked more of his legacy and made sure it was verbally given to the kids. What a great gift! Although an emotionally draining few weeks, Max and Lorin left yesterday knowing that DOD was being transferred to a regular room, and against all odds would make it home.
As the kids' adventure got derailed, we made sure (with the kindness and generosity of friends) that they returned to Michigan with a few memories -- innumerable rides on The Simpson's at Universal Studios (thanks Janice!), a Laker's game (thanks Rex & Val!), and a day on the firing range in Tujunga (where Lorin looked like Annie Oakley, and shot more like a pro than a novice). The kids helped Bruce and I refocus and settle down, as initially every phone ring made us both jump, thinking we were going to hear the worst.
The kids returned to a HUGE storm just in time, and today we return to a regular life -- with its completely unexpected twists and turns...
We are grateful to all those who have returned DOD to us, and thank our friends and family for all their support and love.

Diary of a Doc: Dr. JJ -- 1240 Days & Counting

Our intrepid Max, fully outfitted in khaki green Northface expedition parka and LL Bean subzero boots continues to love the freezing cold, ice storms, snow and subzero temperatures that define the heart of winter in Michigan. Spring break for the Wolverines comes the third week of February -- as the kids are likely to be in the depths of seasonal affective disorder, dreading short days and long nights, and tired of the daily slog through snow drifts to get to class, the prospect of a little fun for a week keeps them warm with hope.
Max's first inclination was to return home for some R&R. However, knowing that we would force him out on the trail of identifying employment for summer dashed his dreams of sleeping in, eating trays of food lovingly prepared by mom, and the prospect of doing nothing. Skip to Plan B -- a trip to Mount Rushmore, by bus, enduring 36 hours in a smelly seat with perfect strangers. Good enough? NO! Skip to Plan C -- a quick trip to New York to visit the United Nations, see a Broadway show, take in the Museums before they are impassable in the Spring, a return to Ellis Island to caress the inscribed names of his great grandparents -- you bet! With the kind offer of a friend to stay in her apartment while there, Max will trek to the bigger city to take inn a little culture, a lot of history, and while not really having a chance to defrost, enjoy the vibrancy that is Manhattan.
It will be a little late to see Conan, but no less thrilling.
So what does Mom do? Put away the trays (ready to be laden with home cooked food), forget about fluffing up the pillows, put herself back in the office to work, and mope a bit...all part of the necessary process of emancipation and detachment that both parent and young people experience at this stage of life! So much of the college experience comes from not what is conveyed in the classroom, but rather the coping, resourcefulness and creativity that comes from striking out on one's own, problem solving, living within a budget and surging forward steadily into real adulthood.
Yeah, I'm moping a bit, but inside, I am totally proud!

Diary of a Doc: Dr. JJ

A year and a half ago, I started to blog about my son in my practice newsletter - counting down the 400 days he had at home until his graduation from High School. Was he ready to go forth into the big world of college? Had we given him the right tools?
He successfully completed his journey and started as a freshman at the University of Michigan in September. Yet another countdown started, as I blog about his progress in college, our progress as empty nesters, and reflections of the life he faces currently. Enjoy as we pick up on this week's entry, and check back every Friday as we update our countdown...

1257 Days and Counting...

Brrrrr.....it's cold in Ann Arbor - freezing temps are hitting the entire Midwest and Northeast. From the comfort of our tropical climate, we shudder at the thought of even a 40 degree morning in LA - and yet thousands of our kids trudge bravely through several feet of snow, ice and slush to go to class, grab a hot chocolate, nourish in the dining hall, or just go to work! Max related that the other night, in the midst of an almost-blizzard, the fire alarms went off in his dorm, the kids trudged downward and outside, dreading the cold, and beleagured at the hour. What did they face at the front door - an army of energetic colleagues from the dorm across the way - and a pile of thousands of pre-made snowballs at the ready! The battle was on, the freezing temps didn't matter, as the proud warriors engaged in a contest that none of us could or would survive at our age. This is just one example of how our perspective changes with youth. Seriously, aside from a brief weather report from Max, I have not heard ONE complaint from him about the cold. His daily description is "It's so beautiful mom", and "thanks for the great coat and boots - 'cause I'm not cold."....and here I am this week, dreading a trip to NY, Boston and Providence next Friday - imagining that upon leaving the safe confines of a warm airport terminal, that I will IMMEDIATELY turn into a human popsicle and never recover! Of course the very mention of my anxiety arouses huge guffaws from my son, and a reminder from him that I have a little natural insulation to help me through such ordeals - oy!

The kids are gearing up for a celebration of hope on Tuesday as the inauguration and its' personal significance to Max and his friends is truly huge. I hope that we all stop and pause on Tuesday and realize the signficance of this very day. Think about the millions who will happily stand in the cold, ice, and snow to witness history, to revere freedom, and to support our country and its new president. Take the opportunity to share this event with your children, as it will generate such a variety of discussion points - both from the past and present. Whatever your politics, it is incumbent upon all of us to link together in mutual support in order to survive these tough economic and political times...

Have a great week - and enjoy this historic moment!